


dangerous attraction

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, M/M, Romance, and it's not actually done, attempted rape but it's not between kriskai, but it has nothing to do with history, jongin is prostitute, yifan is emperor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:43:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8403907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jongin had walked into the palace as a prostitute with no intention to keep living. However, he realized he was meant for so much more, he loved, he fought and in the end, he had a place by the man he loved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is for Sarah, because she gave me the prompt. without her, this wasn't going to happen. although i believe that this is not what it'll be expected from the said prompt, i hope it's interesting to read haha!
> 
> as usual i give warnings for typos and grammar mistakes, because as much as i tried to make them less, i'm sure there're still present. 
> 
> also i hope you'll enjoy reading this fic simply because i actually like it a lot and i had fun while rereading it. it's something i love writing in general, so every one who gives it a try, i want to thank you so much because this has a great meaning for me. i hope it's not boring or smth you've read many times. thank you again! and i hope you'll have fun too!

♔

 

_body covered with bruises_

_sinful lips touching his skin_

_burning touches embracing his hips_

_he moaned_

_he cried_

_then he stayed quiet_

_a moment as this he knew everything was lost_

_a game of survival, a game of pain_

_he had no other choice than to bow down_

_yet he kept his fire_

_he kept his hope for early death_

_however everything changed when a man with power embraced him with passion_

_a passion a mere person had never felt_

_a passion burning his insides with desire_

_was he lucky he wondered?_

_was he dying?_

_probably both. probably none._

 

♔

 

He moaned, hiding a sob from the amount of pleasure stimulating his body. He felt the warm palms on his shoulders, he felt the sweat, he felt the way their skins connected with every thrust. He arched his back when he felt his final spasm coming soon. He cried when he felt the warmness surrounding his body and he cried into his fist when everything ended and all he saw was white. His body was content with the rest, after one final tremble. He felt good, he was not hit, he was not burned, he was alive. 

Turning his body around, a small whine leaving his lips when he felt the leak between his buttocks, yet he said nothing. He had no right to complain, instead he felt disappointed from the emptiness. For a short moment he wondered if he was losing his mind, yet he shook his head and moved his body around with more confidence. Making himself comfortable on his back, putting his palms under his head, he just looked ahead. He looked at the man’s back, the man who was now his new master. Tall, magnificent, strong and fearsome, he was emperor no one could fight against. But the same man now had strong red lines over his back, a purple bruise of a bite between his inner thighs only for them to know.

“Jongin…” the man called with a sigh, turning around, dark gaze falling over Jongin’s body and he felt the shiver with the need for more. He felt that his body was yet to be wrecked, however he knew he would not be touched more.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” He asked with a mock honorifics and a faked surprised wide eyes. He did not move from his position, body relaxed, exposed and ready to seduce. Confidence growing with every second.

“You shall take a bath, I made sure that they’ll put rose petals inside the water.” the emperor turned around again, back facing Jongin, this time he started to put his robes back, instead of just putting them in order as he did couple of moments ago.

“Shall I?” Jongin sighed and questioned more himself than the emperor. He knew that he had no choice, yet he felt he had. Unfortunately, he was still too doubtful to ask for confirmation.

“Ah! I asked Luhan if he could escort you to the gardens and the stables with the horses. I recalled that you mentioned once you like spending time around these two, am I right?” he didn’t wait for Jongin to confirm, even if it was the truth, and kept on talking. “I will tell him to visit you later, once you take the bath. I believe you would have your own entertainment.”

Jongin sighed, he wondered how he had the boldness to do so, yet he did not regret. He was tired, he had always been the one who had been used in the end, yet here the emperor, the man who almost begged Jongin to be called by his name just moments ago, acted as if they had not been connected to each other. Probably was the ruler’s pride and maybe Jongin could play a game with him.

Jongin stood up as quietly as he could, making sure that the emperor would not hear him walking towards him with a feline like grace. Jongin had to be shy, probably conscious from the fact his body was out and naked, every flow could be noticed, every small scar could be seen. Perhaps he did not worry because he knew while the emperor ran his palms over his sweaty body, he must have noticed couple of them, touching the roughness of the damaged skin.

Jongin moved closer with very careful steps taken, but no one paid attention to him. The emperor was busy with checking the final piece of his robe, the bright red cloth with embroidered golden dragon at the back. Jongin had the faint memory that he almost teared the same piece of cloth the moment the emperor start biting his neck and grabbing his hips. Once Jongin reached his newly found prey, he stopped right behind the broad back and leaned on his toe to reach the man’s ear. Cursing the difference between their heights.

“I shall do so...Yifan.” 

Jongin felt sick satisfaction when he felt the shiver which ran through Yifan’s body and the hitched deep breath which followed. He didn’t miss the way Yifan’s knuckles grew white while his fists tightened around the cloth. Jongin let his lips brush against the revealed skin on Yifan’s right shoulder and after that he turned around, walking away. He didn’t miss the way Yifan’s body was tense, or how he let couple of breathless curses to leave Yifan's mouth. Yifan was affected by Jongin, and the latter would be celebrating soon he knew. No man could deny the lust which was coming their way, no matter who he was. Yifan was no exception, Jongin knew this.

Letting out small chuckle, Jongin walked towards the bath where he didn’t miss the way couple of the young girls stared at his body with something more than the curiosity. Jongin gave them seductive smirk, letting out unsaid invitation and couple of the servants blushed, their cheeks coloring with beautiful rose. Jongin felt envious then, he could not recall when was the last time he had felt the need to blush. Shaking away these unhappy thoughts, he walked into the warm water, satisfied with what decision he had taken earlier. He could play his best cards and he knew he would win.

 

♔

 

Luhan was a beautiful man. Unfortunately, he was loyal and strong. Jongin had noticed him around the palace. Walking around, smiling at the servants, sharing pleasantries with some of the younger girls, receiving giggles and shy smiles. Luhan was a man who could earn everyone’s heart, Jongin knew this. But the sword, the effortless way he showed power, made Jongin realize that Luhan was not as easy to target as he hoped.

Once Luhan walked to him, Jongin knew the dark doe like eyes looked at him with clear disagreement and judgement. The man did not trust him. Jongin wouldn’t have trusted himself either. Luhan was a soldier, the left hand Yifan had and probably his only friend in the palace. Jongin understood this from the way Yifan smiled widely once Luhan walked into the chambers and Luhan was not shy when he embraced the emperor with boldness and gave a remark how thin Yifan was.

Jongin’s hopes for making Luhan his toy for revenge shattered then.

Luhan stayed quiet for most of the journey from Yifan’s chambers to the gardens at the backyard of the palace. Whistling and having his hands behind his back, Luhan seemed too casual for a man who would order a murder without a blink of his eyes. 

Jongin was somehow fascinated. He believed in many things which seemed wrong. He thought Yifan would take his life, instead the same Yifan moaned his name with passion. He believed no one was happy in this palace, yet most seemed to have genuine content expressions. He expected Luhan to be one of the selfish, lacking intelligence royals, yet here he was like a mystery for Jongin to solve.

“I shall not say anything to you, boy.” Luhan spoke, startling Jongin with the sudden cold voice.

“I do not expect anything, master.” Jongin replied, he knew he was not in position to open his mouth with something more than agreement.

“Yifan...the emperor…”Luhan cleared his voice. “I believe he puts too much trust in someone as you, a mere concubine, a male one.”

“I did not force him to have me.” Jongin replied with slight edge on his voice. “Your soldiers bought me for him and brought me here, far from my land and my home.”

“You call that miserable place a home?” Luhan spoke with sarcasm and something like evil note, but Jongin paid no attention, instead he kept quiet. “I wonder how many men enjoyed your body and I pray all our gods that you have no disease to harm Yifan.”

“I have none.” Jongin replied with a hiss and he bowed down when he met Luhan’s angry eyes. “I apologize, master. I have been careful, that miserable place of home was careful to not lose their subjects for something as this.” Jongin explained, he knew he had risked his life.

“Of course. I heard you’re one the most wanted ones.”

Jongin did not reply and Luhan kept quiet. They walked around the gardens and Jongin decided to enjoy the sight. He did not pay attention to Luhan anymore. Instead he wondered if one day he would be here with Yifan, sharing stories and probably couple of heated kisses. The gardens were calming him, giving him a freedom he had never felt. Probably the green around him, mixed with bright red and white and pink, a little bit yellow and blue, the sky was so clear today.

The nature had been his way out for some time now. Either the small garden at the back of the brothel he had spent most of his life in. He was the one who took care of it, watered the flowers and the lonely apple tree. It calmed him, it gave him hope that he was a good person. Then he started to walk out, changing his clothes, hiding his face and he tried to blend with the every day’s life outside. 

However, he was worried, what if someone sees him, what if someone hurts him, what if...he kept on asking himself so he could not rest. It was one of his regular visitors that showed him the beauty which was the horse. The man brought Jongin to the said garden he took care of and showed him his horse, a beautiful white creature Jongin had ever seen. The horse let Jongin to touch him and straddle him. Probably this was the best gift Jongin had received ever. Unfortunately the man had lost his life in the war and Jongin had never seen the horse again.

He was surprised to see the same beauty in another horse, this one was black, carefully looking at Jongin when he approached it. Black as the night, strong as the wind. This was the first thoughts Jongin had when he saw the animal. It reminded him of Yifan for some reason, strong, beautiful and somehow fearsome yet so tempting. Jongin took out one of the apples he stole on his way, Luhan had said nothing even when he noticed.

“Here.” Jongin whispered with gentle voice and stretched his arm, holding the apple in his palm. He didn’t push the animal, instead waited patiently for the horse to walk closer and take the apple from his palm. Jongin was aware that if the horse was scared not only his fingers could be bitten but he could be stepped on.

The horse moved closer, slowly, ready any moment to attack or to run away, yet Jongin waited, he knew how the horse felt, caged, alone, his master was gone. When the apple was taken, Jongin let out a breath he was holding without knowing and bright smile grew over his face. The horse let to be touched too and Jongin had never felt happier.

“He’s Yifan’s.” Luhan spoke from behind him and Jongin didn’t bother to turn around to meet his eyes. He wished to ask why Luhan did not use Yifan’s title around him, but he liked to hear his name instead of the title. It gave him security he couldn’t explain.

“Was he wild?” Jongin asked, the horse seemed as wild animal in cage.

“He was and he saved Yifan years ago. In fact, this is the oldest horse we have, yet the strongest.” Luhan replied with small chuckles.

“Is that so?” This intrigued Jongin. So he was not wrong to relate them both.

“Yifan was wild yet sick child.” Luhan spoke as if he was much older than Yifan, and maybe he was. His face could lie more than his own mouth. “He liked to rebel against the late Emperor, he walked out, ran out and was missing. A wild storm met him once, he was just getting better from a heavy sickness. But the reckless child he was, he was out, in the cold, alone and spitting blood.” Jongin kept his eyes on the horse, who seemed to be listening too.

“What happened then?” he asked to show his curiosity.

“Yifan was missing for days, ministers thought him dead, the emperor was sick worried for him and his mother fell weak and sick.” Luhan cleared his throat. “Apparently, Yifan had gone in the woods, rarely there is a horse other than the wild predators. Yet the horse had saved him, kept him from the snow and let Yifan to move on his back, keeping him warm in a way. Yifan couldn’t remember if he showed the way for the horse, or the horse walked alone, but couple of days later Yifan was back in the palace, half dead but still full.”

“Did the horse let anyone else to touch him?” Jongin couldn’t believe a wild horse to let anyone to touch him like this, even less to let someone be on him. Even the tamed ones rarely trusted anyone since they often were scared.

“No, no one. Even now I’m surprised it lets you so close.” Luhan commented and Jongin was sure he was frowning.

“Probably he thinks I’m too weak.” Jongin guessed. 

“Or he believes you’re powerful.” Luhan sighed. “Have you touched a sword?” Jongin tensed then. “Do not lie to me, I know when a man had been soldier and when he was not, you’re neither.”

“I have never trained for warrior.” Jongin replied. “However, I had trained with sword.”

“Just as I guessed, one day we shall have a game. I believe soon it’ll be late and Yifan will look for you, however another day, we shall try that training of yours.”

Jongin nodded, he couldn’t say anything. That he hoped one day to be able to use the sword and run away, that he wished to be free, but instead he was sold for emperor who probably thought of him as a woman? Jongin had no reply, yet Luhan had not asked. Luhan did not care, Jongin concluded, and why would he? Luhan cared for Yifan, Luhan _loved_ Yifan. Jongin was nobody.

Since it was getting late in Luhan’s words, even when the sun was still bright, they walked back towards Yifan’s chambers. They said nothing, but from the way Luhan looked at him, Jongin felt that he failed a test. For what the test was, he was still to find out.

 

♔

 

Jongin loved to dance, he was good dancer too. If he could say so himself, but he was praised from many. It was not unusual for him to dance before he was taken by a man or before he laid someone on the bed and took them with something akin to mutual pleasure.

Two full moons ago, he was ordered and payed to dance for someone, someone he could not see back then, but he could guess it was Luhan or ZiTao, both seemed as men Yifan would let to go instead of him in another nation to keep the alliance. Jongin was not alone then, he danced with others, women and men, yet he was the only one bought. Probably it was his passion that sold him. 

Jongin still could remember the dance, slow, with many curves following the music, his whole body was moving with the music. It gave him so much please, every time he bent to touch his toes with his right hand, while his left arm was curved backwards. He loved how his back arched when he was turning around, or how his robes were following his every move like light magnificent fire loving his body.

He did not regret how he danced, he regret the hatred he had received when the others found out that the chinese soldiers were there to take him. They spit words Jongin wished he would never hear, he felt so small, as if he was back as the ten years old boy when he first step in the brother. Still unsure where he was and what he would do, Jongin had taken many slaps then too. 

The ten years old Jongin had no memory as of how he got himself in a slave market and taken to a brothel. He could not remember if his parents sold him or if he was kidnapped. All he remembered was the wonderful meal he had for dinner and then he was in his bed. He woke up couple of hours later with a headache and surrounded by blood and cries. Other children around him, crying, begging, shouting.

Jongin had no memories even until now. But he wished to believe that he was sold out, not because it was less painful but because he could believe that he had helped his parents in a way, even when he noticed he forgot them, he hoped that they were healthy. If he was kidnapped, he was going to be disappointed that he was never found out. Never looked for. This was going to break his heart. And he had no heart anymore.

So when he was sold out for the Emperor, Jongin just sighed and walked with them. He was used by some of the soldiers on their ride to his new prison. Jongin wondered if Yifan knew, was he aware of the animals he had as soldiers? Probably he did. It would not be surprise Jongin if Yifan ordered them to do so.

As a bought concubine, as the healer explained, he took him in his place to check him for any sickness which could kill their Emperor, Jongin had to be careful. He might be a male but the women were not nice towards anyone, the healer told Jongin with a shiver and a shaking head. Jongin wondered would he fell asleep and never wake up because he was poisoned by jealous royal courtesan.

Two months he was here and he had not met many. Luhan, Yifan, his guards and couple of soldiers who had his eyes on him as if he was delicious food. Couple of servants, one of the girls even warmed his bed couple of times, she was a lovely lover, gentle, passionate and it gave him hope for something better. The first time Jongin put her on his bed, was to anger Yifan. He even left the bed unmade, it was obvious what had happened, yet Yifan just smiled at him and excused himself.

Two nights later, the girl came to Jongin willingly with the brightest smile on her face. In a way, Jongin knew that Yifan had given her permission to be here, to love Jongin in her own way, to give him something Jongin probably would miss.

Two months and Jongin still didn’t know who Yifan was. He was emperor, he was powerful, he was scary man and he had strong voice. He was good lover, he had strong hands and strong long body. But they did not speak, they did the deed and Yifan was gone. Jongin felt cold, angry and frustrated. He did no know what to do to earn his own death, he did not know how to win Yifan’s heart, how to make the said heart shatter in pieces and Yifan to roar an order to Luhan for his death.

Yifan was a mystery Jongin didn’t know how to solve and this unnerved him more than the fact that his body was getting used to the girl’s body more than Yifan’s. To hear her moans, instead of his master's, to touch her soft body instead of the hard muscular one. 

Jongin might have been craving for Yifan because of him being missed more than feelings of need or affection.

Yet, he still moaned and begged any time Yifan pulled his robes away and teased him with kisses and then left him with nothing else but needy body.

And Jongin craved more and he cried to sleep, because he was never refused.

But he knew he would never refuse either.

 

♔

 

Love. An emotion which Jongin had never felt, sadly, he believed that he would never have.

However, he was good at noticing when it was swimming into other people’s eyes. Small sparkles and lovely words, shining faces and lovely smiles, this is what Jongin was seeing as love. Something which could make anyone happy. Something which could break anyone.

Love he was seeing into the girl’s eyes. Lien was her name, beautiful, young, smart and lovely to be around. She could make him laugh. Jongin enjoyed her company a little bit too much, he realized. He might not be in love with her, but he shared a certain affection he never shared with anyone before. Lien didn’t expect him to share stories of his life, how he was taken and brought here, with whom he was before and with whom he was now. Instead she loved the storytelling. 

Jongin would lie down on the bed, naked or barely covered, while she stood up, hiding her nakedness with his robe, her long black hair falling like rivers on her back, she was getting ready to tell a story. She loved to act while she was speaking. Sometimes she sang too and Jongin wondered why she had never sung. She never replied.

Today’s story was about a soldier. He was in love with another man, when Jongin interrupted her and ask who she had in mind, she shushed him and kept on telling. The soldier was someone with power, but with weak heart and gentle smile. The man he was in love, was someone with no power, yet strong as a tiger.

The soldier wanted that man for himself, he wanted him, he desired him, he would kill for him. Jongin frowned, was that not close to an unhealthy obsession, he asked. Lien shook her head. He was in love, madly in love. She explained that the poor man was someone who would do anything for his own pleasure, yet his eyes were never falling on the soldier. No matter how much the latter tried to take his attention, nothing worked. Probably the soldier was never enough.

This is why the soldier bought a girl, a young, beautiful one. He said she would be his servant. She had no home, so she walked towards the soldier with bowed head and happy heart. She could have a home. The soldier took her out with him, instead of introducing her as servant, he told everyone that she’s his daughter. He had her when he was young, her mother took her away and once she passed away, his daughter came back to him.

The girl took the poor man’s attention, for the soldier’s delight and hatred. She was charming, the poor man desired her. Jongin frowned again, but said nothing. The man approached the soldier, telling him about his feelings, about his thoughts. He promised he would bring as much gold and silver to have the girl for himself, to marry her, to make her his wife until the death embraces him. The soldier said he would think over it. Once his love was gone, he cried himself to sleep and the girl embraced him the whole night.

However, the night of sorrow turned to be a passionate one. The girl, she was in love with the soldier. His nice nature, his beauty, his smiles, his speech, she grew to love him. So she kissed him, with boldness which could cost her life. She kissed him, she cried in the kiss begging him to take her, to love her, to kiss her as if she meant the world and he did. The soldier took her as if she was the most precious and fragile flower. He loved her, realizing later once she was asleep curved next to him. He loved her, yet he loved the man more.

The next day, he required the poor man to come to him, he gave the girl to him without asking for money, only with a wide smile. Before she walked away, he gave her a kiss, a long and slow one, both cried, both let go later. The soldier wished that the girl would be happy. 

“Was she happy?” Jongin asked, Lien shook her head.

“She returned to the soldier three months later, crying and kissing him with passion once again. She had his child.” 

“What did he do then?” Jongin dread for the reply. Lien smiled sadly at him.

“He asked her how she was so sure. She replied that her husband touched her one month after she went to him, and she was already feeling unwell.” Lien moved closer to the bed, looking at Jongin. “The soldier asked her if she was going to come back to him. She shook her head, she could not disobey her husband. They kissed again and their love was lost.”

“What happened later? Was the child born?”

“No. She was poisoned, her child dead. Because a servant bearing a child of another man was disgrace, but a woman bearing her father’s child was a sin.”

“She was not his daughter!” Jongin protested.

“Yet everyone knew her as one.”

Lien walked away then, giving him couple of short kisses, she put back her dress and walked out of the room. Jongin could not give a reason as to why she had told him a story as this one. He couldn't come with idea of what the story meant. Until now, there were always stories about happiness, love, life, yet this one was so dark. It left something bitter in Jongin’s mouth.

After that day, Jongin had not seen Lien anywhere. Even Yifan’s visits were less. The one with whom Jongin was speaking was Luhan. The man had brought him to the gardens again, letting Jongin do whatever he wished to do. While Jongin was playing around with the flowers, Luhan was on the ground sharpen his knife.

One week had passed and Jongin was told that Lien was gone forever.

The Empress had ordered her death.

And then Jongin realized, Lien was telling her story. Jongin was the soldier, the one who brought her the disaster and the child. Yifan was the poor man, the one who let them share their bed, the one who pushed them to love each other. The empress was the one with the power, she was all the people who misunderstood. She was the law.

Jongin did not cry then. He did nothing else other than attacking Yifan.

 

♔

 

Once the news reached Jongin, he took the small blade which was like ornament in his chambers, Yifan’s chambers, Jongin had sharpened the old metal some time ago and he finally had the chance to use it. Hiding it in his robes, Jongin was ready to attack. Seducing the guards into believing that Yifan expected him, was easier than he had thought. They let him move, playful slaps on his behind and couple of comments, Jongin was let to go to Yifan’s actual royal chambers.

Once he walked inside, Jongin realized that there was something like small library on one side, balcony on the other, probably the bed was further in the room. Yifan was sitting on a small table next to the library, his back facing Jongin. Jongin moved quietly again. He was going to attack, however, he wished to ask Yifan so many questions, to accuse him, to hurt him.

Once he was close enough, with fast move he had put the blade on Yifan’s throat. He felt how Yifan jumped a little bit, he was startled, Jongin smirked to himself. He let the edge to touch Yifan’s skin, but it did not break it.

“Jongin…” Yifan sighed. Jongin chuckled in reply.

“Would you let your own concubine to take your life?” Jongin asked, his lips ghosting over Yifan’s ears.

“Do you want me gone so much?” Yifan replied with a question. Jongin let out small growl to leave his mouth.

“Why did you let her die? Why did you push her towards me?” Jongin’s voice was deeper while he was spitting his questions. His hand didn’t trembled while he was speaking. He was ready to push and slice any moment.

“I had no intention of letting her die this way…”Yifan started, yet he was shut from Jongin’s emotionless laughter.

“Do not play with me. I know you had a plan when you let her in the bed with me. I knew something was wrong, yet I couldn’t wrap it. Did you hate it so much that she had my child?” Jongin screamed. He knew that the guards would hear his roaring and ran to save their emperor. Probably then he could meet Lien again.

“I did not wished her death!” Yifan roared back and stood up, startling Jongin. There was blood. The blade must have cut Yifan’s skin, but Jongin couldn’t see nor move fast enough. He was pushed on the ground, the blade again on Yifan’s throat, this time however, his hand was in Yifan’s hold again.

“Why did you…”

“I wanted to see you smile.” Yifan’s tone grew to be calm again, strong and deep, but calm. “You didn’t smile with me and I knew it was because I am your master, I am the one who bought you and that I am the enemy. However, I was selfish and I wished to see your smile.” Yifan sighed then and closed his eyes, the hold on Jongin’s wrist lessen. “I let go of my pride as a man and let someone else to be with you, Jongin. You smiled only with her, you laughed only with her, you seemed alive. I wanted to see you happy. I had no idea that she would bear your child so soon and that the Empress would be against even when it was not my child.”

“She’s dead…” Jongin choked and he felt how finally the tears were growing in his eyes.

“The Empress has the hold over the Royal court, all my concubines are under her command. If she orders death, they die. She is not allowed to wish for yours yet, because I haven’t named you as my concubine.” Jongin looked up, until now he was staring his small weapon, the blood coming from Yifan’s cut chin and jaw. When he met Yifan’s eyes, he saw the truth behind these dark orbs and he knew that Yifan was not lying.

“What do you mean?” Jongin asked carefully, he was lost in his thoughts. He was bought as concubine, he was sure of it. He had seen the small sign with the dragon which presented Yifan’s power.

“I can name you as my guard or concubine. Everyone know you as my concubine, because I do not wish rumors to come around about false emotions we do not share.” Yifan pulled the weapon closer to himself, Jongin’s eyes widen. “I had never wished for Lien to die, Jongin. She was a wonderful girl to have around.”

“Your Highness!” someone shouted. “We heard noise, is everything alright?”

“Yes!” Yifan roared. “Leave before I come for your heads! I was having a rest!”

“Our apologies, Your Majesty!” another man spoke and the commotion was over before it started. Yifan sighed and looked at Jongin.

“I wish your death.” Jongin whispered tiredly. Suddenly he had no energy to move at all.

“If you wish me dead, Jongin, you shall know how to outsmart me.”

With a dare as this one, Yifan moved his lips over Jongin’s capturing them into a small fight where tongues were bitten and lips were cut. The weapon was thrown away, just like their clothes. Jongin cried while Yifan was embracing him. He cried because he was weak, he cried because he was alone again and he cried because Yifan was not gentle, yet there was a warmth into Jongin’s heart that he could not explain.

That time was the first time Yifan had taken him roughly. Tearing Jongin’s skin with his teeth, with his nails and with his thrusts. Yifan let himself go then, Jongin noticed. He had hurt Jongin, he pushed him towards a madness Jongin wished to never reach. Jongin wished to live and has revenge for someone else and not himself. His death was no longer as tempting.

Once they finished their end for the first time that day, Jongin had taken the weapon while Yifan was trying to get hold of his breath. Jongin had moved over Yifan, blade back on his throat. Jongin demanded for Yifan to moan his name until his voice was hoarse, until his eyes were full with tears. 

That day Yifan let Jongin to wreck his body for the first time. That day Jongin knew that spreading Yifan’s legs for his own entertainment was times more pleasurable than anything else he had tried. 

That day Jongin knew that he had lost himself.

 

♔

 

Outsmarting Yifan, meant getting to know Yifan.

So Jongin was spending more time with Yifan, either tangled in sheets and sweat, or out with Luhan’s company. Jongin couldn’t find the answer about why Yifan wished to see Jongin smile. The latter was Yifan’s subject, someone who was not worthy. Yifan’s effort seemed as something close to a madness and in a way Jongin had been so worried.

What if Yifan decide to take Jongin’s life because of Jongin’s fake smiles? Not that Jongin would mind, he wished this life to be over, however, he was worried for the strength this empire would have. But then there was Luhan, strong beautiful Luhan who didn’t blink when he had to cut someone’s head. Probably Jongin’s head would be next.

It was attacker of the North, he wished Yifan’s death. The man had taken servant’s clothes, walked into the palace and followed Yifan towards the gardens. He planned to take the emperor’s life fast and quiet. Unfortunately for the man, he didn’t know that Luhan was always close to Yifan, always one step ahead. Even before the man could attack, Luhan was already behind Yifan, with his sword up in the air and with one precise move, the man’s head was on the ground. Jongin’s eyes were wide.

Then he noticed that Yifan seemed as if nothing happened. He turned around, sighed and then thanked Luhan. What worried Jongin then, with no apparent reason Jongin could name for the feelings which he felt and the tight grab some of them had over his heart, was that Yifan had probably noticed the stalker, yet he did nothing. In fact, Yifan was not holding a sword on his own.

Getting to know Yifan meant that Jongin would start noticing details about him and he indeed did.

Jongin noticed how Yifan disliked the heavy royal clothes he must wear everyday, no matter where he goes. Yifan never wore them. Yifan, as emperor, had to wear the small version of the big golden crown over his head, to show his power, to show his position over everyone. Jongin had never seen either of the crowns, he only knew they existed. Yifan liked to speak with the servants and to joke around. Yifan knew most of his servants’ names. Yifan’s genuine smiles made Jongin feel warm inside.

Everyone bowed with respect towards Yifan, they bowed, they laughed, they joked. No one seemed too scared of Yifan, except the new servants who feared to approach their master. Yifan didn’t force them, instead he tried to avoid getting close to them. He didn’t wish to scare them away, Luhan mentioned once when Yifan ushered both of them far from the horses, because apparently there were couple of new servants cleaning the stables.

Yifan was a man of the nation. Jongin could say he started to understand why Yifan wanted his smile, he could not earn anything else from Jongin, except pleasure from his body which was nothing out of ordinary. However a smile, this was something Jongin did not give easily.

Luhan mentioned once how Yifan was crying when he was young because of his mother, Yifan wasn’t meant to be crown prince even less the emperor, his mother was weak since forever and Yifan cried with her. 

“I believe his need to make sure everyone are at least a little bit content with their lives is because Yifan never had a life on his own. The one he had, he was suffering with his mother.” Luhan commented.

“Was it so severe?” Jongin asked, his eyes were on Yifan helping a small girl, probably a child of his servants, to braid her hair.

“His mother took her life in front of him. The crown prince who was in love with her, followed her. The late emperor had always favored Yifan and right after the mourning, Yifan was the new crown prince.”

Jongin didn’t need to know more. He felt no pity towards Yifan, he didn’t feel indifference either. There was voice at the back of Jongin’s head, saying warnings about the way Jongin was slowly walking further ahead. Jongin hadn’t listened, he couldn’t listen. He wanted to know more. 

Sometimes it was Jongin that demanded Yifan to be with him at night, wrecking his body, bruising it, kissing it and embracing it. Yifan never denied it, Jongin never smiled for him. 

Unfortunately for Jongin, Luhan’s presence suddenly grew to be permanent. They walked through the gardens, Jongin was alone with his thoughts while Luhan and Yifan smiled at something only they knew. They were in the stables, Yifan and Luhan played with the horses, while Jongin stayed on the side, feeding one of the youngest. They were in the palace, Jongin was never close to them, yet Luhan and Yifan kept on laughing.

Jongin realized he disliked Yifan’s genuine smiles, they were too wide, too bright, too happy. He didn’t like them, he also didn’t like that they were towards Luhan only. Being hypocrite was not in Jongin’s nature, however, he was getting used to it. Sometimes Jongin was losing his mind, especially after long afternoon spent with Luhan’s laughter, Yifan was bend over and Jongin was leaving angry marks all over his back. Jongin had never felt so angry as in these rare moments of madness.

Sometimes Luhan demanded to spend time alone with Jongin. The latter thought that it was Yifan’s idea, when he mentioned it, he got no reply. Luhan wanted to see what Jongin knew, how he was holding the sword, how he was fighting. While Jongin was panting and sweating with every move, Luhan seemed as if he was sipping tea early in the morning.

“What monster created you?” Jongin accused while he was on the ground, sweaty, tired and dirty. He had only been fighting with Luhan for less than hour. Yet he felt as if he had spend years in a battle.

“I shall take my leave.” Luhan yawned, as if Jongin was boring for him. “If you cannot win over me, you have no chance to win over Yifan. Even if you try to outsmart him, remember that Yifan is the emperor, he has eyes and ears everywhere.”

“I shall fight until my last breath!” Jongin slowly moved from the ground them, eyes burning holes in Luhan.

“You ask what monster created me? This monster is Yifan himself.” With this Luhan walked away and Jongin fell on his knees again, panting. He wished to not believe.

However, the scars Jongin had been noticing on Yifan slowly started to speak for themselves.

“Who are you?” Jongin asked once, he had his head over Yifan’s chest, gently circling with his fingers the small scar slightly over Yifan’s heart. He had demanded from the Emperor to make him feel boneless and Yifan did it with passion Jongin had never felt before.

“Nobody.” Yifan replied and kissed the top of Jongin’s head.

Then Jongin’s heart started beating faster for two reasons. One: Yifan had showed affection Jongin wished to never think over. Second: no emperor called themselves nobody. And this brought fear and excitement into Jongin’s soul.

 

♔

 

Yifan… _YifanYifanYifan_

With this name Jongin was waking up every morning, with this name he was falling asleep every night.

Close to seven months, since his arrival in the palace, had passed and Jongin was growing greedy, unable to recognize himself. His desire to play a game earning his own death or Yifan’s destroyal, soon turned to be greed for affection and embraces. The anger Jongin had been feeling for himself at first and his own thoughts while looking at Yifan training with Luhan, soon grew too.

Yifan was beautiful, very very beautiful. Jongin couldn’t stop looking at him, his eyes were craving for Yifan’s curves, for his moves, for his attacks, for the sweat over his body. Jongin craved to run his fingers through the sweaty hair, to kiss the wet forehead, to take Yifan’s already heavy breathing. Jongin wished to control Yifan.

Once he realized this, he could not breathe, he could not think, he just fell on his knees and cried. Yifan ran to him then, leaving Luhan in the middle of attack. He embraced Jongin’s trembling body, asking him what had happened and why Jongin looked so pale, so weak. Yifan was barely holding back himself, his lungs must have hurt, yet he ran to Jongin. He cared, Jongin felt the pain in his chest growing. And he cried again. He broke again. Grabbing Yifan’s shoulders, crying into his neck, Jongin begged to be touched.

Yifan did, as always. This time he was gentle, kissing Jongin, caressing his body as if he was the most precious man on this world and Jongin knew he couldn’t fight it. He couldn’t win over his own heart. He had been losing himself for long time, but now he knew it was the final step. 

The step where he accepted that Yifan had conquered his heart. 

Apparently the feeling love wasn’t something Jongin expected to be something to live so hard with.

However with this emotion, new for Jongin, things started to change. Jongin had never thought of possessions as something he would be ready to fight for or to protect. However, the more time Yifan was spending with Luhan, the more Jongin felt this burning ugly feeling growing inside him. He was jealous, so much that when he fought with Luhan, he was going for blood. If the latter noticed anything, he said nothing.

Jongin realized soon that he had been missing something. He had never thought of the Empress, the woman whose face he had never seen but the woman who was his enemy. She had taken Lien’s life, his child’s life too, Jongin could not accept her as his master. He couldn’t accept that instead of him, Yifan had been calling her into his bed.

“I have duties, Jongin.” Yifan had snapped once, when Jongin tried to push the taller man on his four, taking whatever he could because his anger for Luhan had grown to a madness again. “Touch me again like this, and you shall never have me again.” Yifan threatened. Probably the emperor believed that words as these were nothing, probably pathetic to be told. But for Jongin, they broke his soul. He stayed frozen, slowly he moved his eyes down on the sheets. He felt cold, so cold and lonely when Yifan walked away from him with loud shut of the doors.

Then was the first time Jongin cried because he was denied, because he did wrong. He was selfish, he wanted Yifan for himself. But that was the first of many times when Yifan stopped visiting him. Jongin could hear how the emperor had given the empress beautiful bright red robe with golden flowers, how he kissed her temple, how he laughed, how he smiled, how happy they were...and Jongin felt as if part of him was gone.

Sitting alone at night, cold and lonely, Jongin could recall how many times he had been making fun of the younger boys and girls in the brothel when they craved for a customer to be their alone. How many times he was drinking and making them feel bad for their own feelings when they gave their hearts to someone. They wanted to be loved, to be the only ones in their beloved ones’ eyes. And Jongin made fun of them, called them names, pushed them to the reality that they were low creatures, whose bodies would be dirtied until they die. Jongin made them cry, he hurt them, he shouted at them, laughed with a laughter which brought tears. 

And now he was one of them. Wondering how he could bring back Yifan’s attention, how to show that what he was feeling for Yifan wasn’t part of the plan he had before. He wanted Yifan. He wanted to love Yifan. But the man was away, with his empress, sharing kisses and touches, while Jongin was alone and cold.

He was ordered to not go around the palace alone. His food was brought to him, Luhan was either coming to his room or calling one of the guards to escort Jongin to him. One of the rules Jongin decided to break so that he could be closer to Yifan, to meet his eyes, to seduce him and to claim him. Jongin was never reckless, never. Now, he was a new man, a man in love.

He waited for the servants to leave his room, he heard their conversation about how suddenly the empress wanted to see the gardens and share a lovely early afternoon with the emperor and have a supper there. Rage grew into Jongin, the gardens, she must have known that this was the place where Yifan and Jongin spent a lot of time together.

Once he was alone, Jongin put on the most revealing, yet the most beautiful clothes Yifan had given to him. He walked down the corridors, passing servants whose eyes widened when they saw him, perhaps they were going to report to Luhan, even Yifan himself, that Jongin was out, but for now, Jongin had a place he had to go.

Once he was out, Jongin fastened his pace. He wanted to arrive to the gardens. He wanted to see where they were, what they were doing. He wanted to see for himself how Yifan looked at the woman he vowed to be his. The woman with whom he was ruling this empire. Jongin wanted to see her, to see if she was beautiful, to see if she had the curves, the smile, the passion which could make Yifan choose her over Jongin. 

Jongin looked at them from the shadows. Yifan was relaxed around her, laughing loudly, shaking his head with a wide smile. She was beautiful, indeed. She was hiding her smile behind her palm, her eyes were on Yifan. She poured him wine as if she was giving a precious gift and Jongin had never felt the need to put his palms around someone’s throat as much as he did now.

He wished Yifan’s attention, he wanted his anger, he wanted to see that Yifan felt affection towards him. Jongin had no plan, he acted with whatever he could. Noticing one of the guards protecting the royal family, Jongin walked towards him. The man was alone, right in front of Yifan’s sight. Jongin walked closer and before he moved next to the man, he closed his eyes, took deep breath and put confident smirk on his lips. He was going to attack.

The guard was startled when he felt Jongin’s presence, but this man wished to have Jongin for some time now. When he escorted him, Jongin didn’t miss the lustful looks the guard was giving him. So it wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Circling his arms around the guard’s neck, whispering words of promise for long passionate night, Jongin felt the strong palms on his hips and moving him closer. He felt the dirty lips on his neck and then Jongin looked ahead, looked at Yifan.

He was not disappointed, Yifan’s eyes were on Jongin, his smile was still there, wide but not real, his eyes were full with rage, with disappointment and Jongin felt shiver when he knew that Yifan was angry, slightly hoping that there was jealousy too. Jongin kept on letting the man to touch his body, letting out needy moans and thrusting his hips, while his eyes were on Yifan.

The emperor couldn’t keep his emotions in the depth of his heart. His reaction was to take out his sword, the one Jongin had never seen him to wear, and hushed his empress away with the excuse of shadow and possible attacker. Most of the servants and guards escorted the empress, while Yifan pretended as if he was going to look around. 

The guard had not noticed what was happening, too busy touching Jongin. However, Yifan moved out of Jongin’s sight and the latter felt panic to grow into him. Where was Yifan? Wasn’t he coming here? He couldn’t think for long because there was painful moan from the guard when a sword pass through his middle. Jongin put hands over his mouth, the guard was on the ground when Yifan let his sword to pass through the man’s throat, taking his life.

“Follow me.” Yifan’s dark voice was as the death itself. Deep, calm, bringing shivers in Jongin. He followed the emperor without saying anything. He could only notice Luhan going towards the dead guard, before Yifan pulled Jongin with him, the walking almost became running.

Once they reached the chambers, Yifan dismissed everyone and closed the doors. He pushed Jongin roughly on the bed and moved over him right after. Jongin shrieked, started to fight against Yifan when the emperor started to tear the clothes on Jongin.

“Are you so desperate to have something inside you?” Yifan roared and forcefully pushed Jongin’s legs apart and moved between them. “Do you want to anger me so much?” 

Jongin stayed quiet, instead he tried to fight against Yifan. Pushing, trying to hit, to bite, to kick, Jongin had never thought how strong Yifan could be if he wanted. This angered Yifan even more and without much effort he took hold of Jongin’s wrists and put them over Jongin’s head. Yifan moved his clothes apart and spat on his palm, moving to stroke himself to hardness.

“Since you’re so needy to be full, I shall do my best.” Yifan spoke the words with so much hatred, with so much anger that Jongin couldn’t help but cry, unable to gulp down the ball which took place inside his throat. 

Yifan was going to take him rough, he wouldn’t prepare him, he wouldn’t be gentle. Then Jongin realized that he didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be taken like this, he didn’t want Yifan like this. So when he felt the tip of Yifan’s on his entrance, Jongin broke down.

“I love you!” he hiccuped before Yifan was going to push. “I love you!” he cried. And then everything stopped.

Yifan let go of Jongin’s wrists. He moved away from his spread legs and just stayed quiet. Jongin cried louder, putting his hands over his face, trying to hide his tears, but his voice was loud, the sobs coming one after another. 

“I had never loved!” he cried again, turning on his side, pulling his knees close to his chest, hiding from Yifan. “I had never thought I will, and I don’t know if true love is what I feel now. But I know I love you.” he thought that maybe he should stop, but his heart was bleeding. He wanted to speak more, he wanted Yifan to know. “I didn’t want to love you, but you...the way you smile, the way you touched me, the way you cared for me...I wanted everything. When you kiss me, when you’re inside me, I feel alive, I feel happy, I feel warm.” Jongin chuckled dryly. “I know I did wrong, but I wanted you because I miss you. And I knew I could take your attention this way. I’m so sorry.” 

Jongin couldn’t speak anymore. He was too tired, too broken. But he hoped that Yifan understood him. Jongin’s body was shivering, his cries kept being loud, until Yifan didn’t circle his arms around Jongin’s middle, pulling Jongin’s back to his chest. Jongin hiccupped again, not daring to move. Yifan left kisses on Jongin’s shoulder, on his neck, on his head. And Jongin slowly started to calm, the tiredness embracing him.

“I’m so sorry.” Yifan said with broken voice. “I love you too.” he whispered and pulled Jongin closer.

Jongin said nothing more, he closed his eyes and let the darkness to take him, still in Yifan’s embrace. And that night, Jongin finally slept deep and calmly, he felt warm, he felt loved.

 

♔

 

“Do you know that this game might cost you your life?” Luhan asked quietly, while both were panting on the ground, earlier this day, Jongin found poison in his meal, not enough to kill, but enough to make him dizzy.

“He’s worthy.” Jongin replied with confidence and Luhan chuckled next to him.

“He is indeed.” Once Luhan took one deep breath, he was up on his legs again and walked away, leaving Jongin alone with his own misery and thoughts.

The empress’ patience had been gone sooner than Jongin hoped. Two weeks after Jongin’s confession and break down, after Yifan sharing his own heart with him, Jongin felt strange taste in his tea. The usually sweet tea, which the servants brought him with his food, had slightly sour taste. He took the cup away from his lips and leaned down to take a sniff.

The tea was just newly boiled, from the look of it it was fresh, yet the sourness and the slightly bitter taste were enough for Jongin to doubt. In the brothel Jongin had enough time to learn about the herbs and the types of poison which could have been done. So he was sure this was poison, in a very small amount. A threat, Jongin concluded. Jongin chuckled to himself.

Yifan must have not given him a title, so he wasn’t a concubine and he wasn’t under her rule. Since he still wasn’t her subject, she couldn’t kill him. Instead she wanted to play with the fire. A small amount of poison, given periodically would lead to a death which would seem as if the person was heavily sick, and she planned to make exactly this. Killing Jongin without any indication that it was her.

Jongin was strong, he knew how to avoid the poison, however, sometimes he had couple of times he couldn’t deny the food or the drink, especially if Yifan was around him. Jongin might love Yifan, might crave him more than the air in his lungs, but he did not trust him. It was the fact that Yifan was emperor, the empress was his wife and Yifan would have to believe her. Jongin was nobody. Even if Yifan believed his words, Jongin knew that Yifan would never take his side.

So instead of saying anything, Jongin was gulping down with a smile. Sometimes he avoided kissing Yifan. He was scared that maybe the poison would go to his lover and even when Jongin knew nothing would kill him, he didn’t want to risk anything. Instead, he was leaning down, kissing every other part of Yifan’s body and gave him as much pleasure with the excuse that they had no time.

Yifan was saying nothing, as he usually did. He was smiling at Jongin. Moaning and praising Jongin, he was more vocal now. Probably it was because of the sudden confession or it was because he knew how Jongin was feeling and he just wanted to give him security. Something both knew that it meant nothing for the law.

However, Jongin could keep the act only for three months before the poison was finally getting to him. He could admit that the empress had a good plan, she must have counted everything with exceptional accuracy because the moment when Jongin fell on the ground because he was dizzy and spat blood for the first time. She came to give him a visit, with the excuse that it was finally time to give the emperor’s concubine a royal visit.

“Your Highness.” He greeted her with a bow, still feeling the taste of blood in his mouth. He had put the most presentable clothes he had, dark blue robe on top and he made sure that he had cleaned the blood from his mouth.

“We have finally came to see each other. I admit I wished to visit earlier, however, I felt uneasy for coming here.” She walked around and sat on one of the small sofas Jongin had close to his bed. He noticed the frowned on her face when she realized that the bed was unmade.

“I apologize for what you’re seeing, Your Highness. I’ve been feeling unwell for some time now and my body is suddenly feeling weak.” Jongin knew how to act around her and he didn’t miss the satisfying sigh which left her mouth.

“Oh, my dear, I am so sorry to hear this.” she said but did nothing to prove her words. 

“I shall call the servants to pour us a tea, I believe you would not leave soon.” Jongin was just ready to turn around to call someone when his doors opened again and couple of servants walked in with tea, wine and many sweets.

“I hope you would not mind tasting the things I have prepared for you, dear.” the empress giggled and sighed. “I shall be careful, I act too familiar with you.” She shook her head. “Please, do not hold back with me. We shall be in good relationship since the emperor chose us both.”

“I agree, Your Highness.” Jongin smiled at her and sat opposite of her. Waiting for all the things the servants brought to be put in front of both of them. Jongin was sure there was poison in every single thing and he cursed all the skies. He knew his body was weak, if he took something else now, the result could be painful.

“I believe your name is Jongin, am I right?” Jongin replied shortly at the question and bowed his head. “Such a beautiful name and beautiful face. You seem strong too, do you perhaps know the art of the sword?”

“I do know a little bit, Your Highness.” he wondered if he should thank her for all the empty compliments, but he decided against it. “I know it because of my dances, Your Highness, I had couple of performances with sword.”

“Oh so you were a warrior then?”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Jongin let himself give her a smile, one which meant no kindness but it was not about admitting defeated either. 

They stayed quiet for a while, dark eyes meeting darker ones. Jongin wondered what the Empress was seeing in him, what was he? An animal, a wild one which would never be tamed. Or was he someone who she knew she could never win over. He wondered was he this important that she was here, trying to seem pleasant when in fact she wished to kill him with every fiber of her being.

“Have you been real warrior, Jongin?” she asked, this time her voice wasn’t holding any emotion, as if suddenly she had been tired and had no desire to keep her play.

“I have not.” he replied and eyed the food in front of him, wondering which one could have less poison. He didn’t wish to spit blood in front of his enemy and show weakness.

“You should look beautiful and strong on a horse. Probably, His Majesty would love to see you with uniform and on battle.” She sighed and shook her head. “I suppose you know the amount of poison I have given you.”

“Ah, is that so, Your Highness?” Jongin gave out a small laugh. It was surprising to have the Empress to admit something like this. He could see that it was not in her nature to leave her own battles unfinished, so she must have something in mind, he concluded.

“Do not play dumb, Jongin, I know you and your kind. You’re a fox ready to attack.” She hissed at him the venom so obvious in her voice. “Do you know why I wish to take your life?” she asked sweetly this time and Jongin shook his head. “Because you can be warrior too, soldier, standing right beside my lord. Because you can spend years with him, and I will be here alone, wondering if he is alive or dead. Because you’re a man and you have options I can only dream about.” 

“I wonder, was your heart always so cold?” Jongin asked in a whisper, he could see her pain, her hatred, he could see every possible darkness but he couldn’t see the happiness, the love, the warmness, the desire. It was as if she had been dead and reborn.

“I wonder this too.” She chuckled and picked up her glass. “You shall eat, I did all of the foods you see. It would be bad if I go back fully handed again, Jongin. Let’s see how big your luck is.”

Jongin met her eyes with smirk, he could feel that this was game. She put different amount of poison in everything, depends on what he was going to choose, he could live or die in this moment. From the look of it, she expected him to eat most of it, since words would break in the palace and it would give her bad name, probably bad name to Jongin too. 

He took the bun in front of him and took bite of it. It was too sweet and he couldn’t guess how much poison he just gulped down, from the impassive look the Empress had, he must have not taken much. He kept on eating and took gulp from the tea, there however, the sourness almost burned his throat. Jongin coughed and shook his head.

“Impressive skills, Your Highness.” he praised and took another bite.

“Being alone in a day, gives you many motivations to learn new things. I shall improve my skills.” She replied with a smile and took another sip from her tea. “It’s a little bit too sweet, isn’t it?”

“Ah, I believe less sweetness would suit the taste better.” Jongin replied while he gulped down his cup and poured some more. 

“Of course, I shall do so the next time. Would you like wine?” Jongin nodded his head. She gave him a glass and smiled widely. “I hope you would enjoy.”

“I’m sure I will, Your Highness.” 

The moment he took the gulp, Jongin knew it was going to be the end. He felt how his lungs were aching painfully, he was sure if he coughed again, it would be blood and he felt how his head was heavier. From the look of it, his sight was getting blurry and he could no longer focus, suddenly falling on his side, Jongin put his palm on the ground to hold himself up.

The Empress stood up and walked closer to him. He felt the cold shivers in his body to be from something else too, anger, fury, he wanted to take his revenge. Jongin had let her play in hopes that they could be in peace, but this woman wished blood and death. Jongin had walked too far.

“Such beauty as yours, it’s such a pity, you shall leave.” She whispered next to his ear. “I had put poison only in the tea and a little bit more in the wine. Even if silver is put, no one will notice a thing.” chuckling next to him she turned to walk away. “I hope we shall see each other in heaven.” 

Her back was the last thing Jongin saw before everything was dark. Her laugh was the last thing he heard and Jongin prayed for the first time in years that heavens should be on his side. He must live, he must be next to Yifan and take this woman’s life. Someone like her, Jongin knew didn’t deserve to live.

When Jongin woke up, after he couldn’t give specific hour, Jongin was surrounded by bright light. So bright that his eyes were hurting him and he couldn’t even keep them open. Blinking many times, nothing was getting better, so Jongin was sure that he must have died and now he’s moving towards the heaven. He couldn’t give another explanation to what he was seeing.

Jongin wished to cry in frustration, he hoped his prays would be heard. He needed to be alive and just when he was losing hope into opening his eyes, in hopes to see something, Jongin heard a voice calling him. Very familiar and surprisingly tired voice.

“Luhan?” Jongin asked quietly, trying to relax his body back on the bed, he wished to be lying down.

“You’re finally awake! I was worried for a while that I lost you.” Jongin smiled lightly when he heard the relief in Luhan’s voice. He was alive and he wasn’t alone.

“What happened?” Jongin asked and frowned with displease when he noticed how raw his voice sounded.

“I believe the poison had taken too much of your strength and you lost consciousness. I found you after the Empress left and you looked pale as if you have died.” Luhan sighed with relief. “I was lucky to find a healer right away and bring him to you or we could have lost you.”

Jongin stayed mum, his throat was still hurting him and he could no longer speak. He felt as if the blood would come back and he didn’t wish to choke on it. Instead he closed his eyes for a while and tried to open them again. This time it wasn’t as bright as before, in fact it was normal daylight. 

“I shall show you my gratitude in a way, Luhan.” Jongin turned around to face Luhan. 

For short moment Jongin felt so guilty because he could see how drained and tired Luhan looked. The dark bags under his eyes were one of the tips giving Jongin that maybe he was not gone for couple of hours, but days. Luhan looked surprisingly calm, but his eyes were moving around Jongin, ready to call anyone for help.

“Just don’t think of doing anything reckless and I would be happy.” Luhan spoke after couple of moments silence, he was reading Jongin, as if he knew something was going to happen once Jongin was healthy and strong again.

“I cannot let this pass through me.” Jongin said quietly, hoping Luhan wouldn’t hear him, but he knew he was too optimistic to hope.

“You’re no royal, Jongin, in fact anyone would choose to have dirt on their clothes than having to defense male prostitute!” Luhan’s words were painful but true and Jongin knew he couldn’t say anything. “You should just gulp down your pride and let the Empress be. No one would stay on your side if you’re found out. Even I wouldn’t, even less Yifan.”

Jongin stayed quiet then, not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he wanted to think over his words. It was unfortunate the position he had. Luhan was right in his words, he had no position to act like this. However, he could never calm down until he didn’t push his sword through the Empress’ body.

“I cannot let someone who wish me dead to play around with my life. The line was thin and I almost died, I cannot let this to happen again.” Jongin replied. His eyes were on Luhan, hoping that despite how tired he was feeling, he still could show the determination he had.

“It’s not about if you can or cannot. It’s about your choices. Are you ready to betray Yifan?” Luhan asked with quiet and normal voice, but Jongin could feel the undertone, the fact that Yifan wouldn’t be pleased with action as this one. “Have you considered how he would feel with action and decision as this one?”

“Had he asked me how I will feel once he brings me here?” Jongin roared back, forgetting about his throat. He didn’t wish to be pushed in the corner with accusation of guilt when in fact, Yifan’s actions towards him weren’t so fair either.

“I understand, however, you must consider that Yifan’s Emperor and she’s….”

“He can get another Empress, I know our King had couple of Queens before the latest one.” Jongin replied back, he could say that probably he sounded childish.

“This is not the point, Jongin.” Luhan sighed. “She’s Yifan’s first love. I still remember how excited he was when he told me about it while we were still children.” Jongin stayed quiet, waiting for Luhan to say more. “If you take her life, you will turn the bad side of Yifan towards you. I have no idea what you and Yifan exchanged as vows or feelings, however, I know him. If you hurt him like this, he might never forgive you. You will see him distant and cold. I believe this is not what you wish.” Luhan stood up, a little bit shaky, but he managed. Put his palm on Jongin’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Just think over it.”

Jongin watched how Luhan was leaving and he thought that maybe he should wait. Right now wasn’t the right time, Jongin could feel the tension in the air. In a way, Jongin hoped that Yifan had stood by his side, confronted the Empress in answers, but in the same time, he knew that actions as these were almost impossible. 

Sighing, Jongin closed his eyes again and let his thoughts wander. He could say he was alone in a battle he wasn’t so sure he wanted to lead. He knew that it was matter of time before Yifan had to give Jongin a title. And as much as he wished to believe that Yifan would be generous and put him under his wing as soldier. Jongin wasn’t so naive. He knew that Luhan would share small pieces of Jongin’s plan. Yifan would reconsider and put him under the Empress touch, which could lead to his death.

Jongin’s heart was breaking only from the thought that Yifan could look at him badly, coldly, distantly. It was painful. He was so used to the deep warm voice, to the gentle calls, the warm touches, the dark beautiful full with affection eyes towards him. Jongin knew that he wasn’t ready to let go of this yet. His heart was beating too fast and needily towards Yifan and Jongin himself wasn’t ready to let go of the man he had grown to love so passionately.

Probably it was going to be better if he let his plan to die with his hatred.

 

♔

 

Even if Jongin sincerely wished to let his hatred pass and let his life to be back in the hands of the Empress in order to have Yifan by his side more often, Jongin wouldn't be able to keep going forever. Even the amount of full moons he was staring late at night, the times having Yifan lying next to him weren’t so much. Two or three, this many months had passed too since he almost lost his life. 

He wasn’t blind, neither was he deaf. Jongin could see the looks some of the servants were giving him, some with disgust, some with amusement, others with desire. The rumors about him were burning inside the palace like a fire. Moving from mouth to mouth, cursing him, accusing him of seducing men he had not even heard of. He could see how some of the servants who were once nice to him, now tried to avoid him.

There were couple of soldiers who came in his way, asking for services done by his mouth and hands, Jongin had to use all of his patience to stay quiet and not attack them. Instead, he gave them small smiles and walked away with excuse that he had another work to do. It wasn’t hard to guess who was behind this. 

In fact, Jongin planned to do nothing about it. He had lived through the rumors and the cursing. He had done much worse than what the people here spoke about him now, however, he couldn’t bear with the judging eyes Yifan was looking at him with. As if he had no trust in Jongin’s feelings and actions. In a way it disappointed Jongin, but the reality was that he was hurt. So hurt that he could feel his heart bleeding every time when Yifan wanted to say or question something but stopped himself with shake of the head and walked away silently. Leaving Jongin’s fingers like the water in his bath, so close yet so hard to be grabbed.

Jongin knew that if the distance between him and Yifan would grow some more, there would never be returning back to the short happiness they had some time ago. It wasn’t only the words which were coloring the rumors every week, but there were men who spoke as if they had touched Jongin, as if they had been with him. Jongin knew that no matter how much Yifan tried to act blind towards these dirty accusation towards Jongin, sooner or later even his facade would break and he would question Jongin.

“I believe you know that I have not been in anyone’s bed since I came here.” Jongin started while he was lying on his stomach, turned to face Yifan who was getting ready to stand up and put on his robe.

“Is that so?” Yifan asked and chuckled. “If I believed anything in this palace, I would have lost my mind.” Yifan turned to face back Jongin and leaned to kiss him. He cupped Jongin’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting Jongin’s head up, to reach his lips easier. “I believe you know that you’re free to do whatever you wish, as long as it doesn’t disturb the peace in the palace.”

With this Yifan left, not even waiting for Jongin to speak his mind and share his thoughts over the last words Yifan said. In fact, the Emperor left with sad smile on his lips and eyes not meeting Jongin’s. There were no short kisses or touches before bidding goodbye, there was nothing and Jongin’s heart broke because he was trusted, but his freedom was too grand. 

“Would you really be okay with me sharing my body with other people than you? Wasn’t Lien enough?” Jongin spoke to no one. He could barely hold back the hot tears falling from his eyes. He knew Yifan meant good, giving the freedom a royal, Emperor had, but Jongin didn’t wish this, he wanted Yifan to tell him that he was only his and no one else’s. Being in a cage was sometimes a good and calming for the heart. Jongin wished to be caged, yet he was not.

That night Jongin couldn’t sleep, he was thinking of a way how to prove all the rumors wrong without hurting the Empress and he had not even the slightest idea how to do it. His hatred didn’t let him to move on from the fact that his heartbreak was because of her. The fact that Yifan didn’t dare to call him his, to make him know where he belonged was all because of the Empress. Jongin was sure in a way Yifan felt caged, because of his feelings, because of his responsibilities. Yifan couldn’t turn his back to her and probably not giving his all and demanding everything from Jongin was his idea of letting someone free.

It was disappointing. Jongin had never heard Yifan to tell that he loved Jongin, not even once, after the first time months ago. Not even as a slip of the tongue while they were connected. Jongin thought at first that it was normal, after all Emperor wasn’t someone who could be so open with his heart. Another thought ran into Jongin, what if Yifan was aware that maybe what he was feeling for Jongin wasn’t love. Since he could compare his feelings towards Jongin and the ones he had towards the Empress. One might be affection and the other could be lust. 

Jongin hoped it was not only lust what Yifan was feeling towards him.

Jongin decided that he shouldn’t take any actions towards the Empress and maybe it would be better to impress Yifan in his fighting skills. Hopefully then, Yifan would finally decide what title he should give to Jongin. Sooner or later he had to, also Jongin hoped that if he was given a position in the military, he would be able to prove himself as something more than the Emperor’s prostitute.

With thoughts as these, Jongin finally closed his eyes, knowing that in couple of hours servants would pay him a visit and in a while he had to go and train with Luhan as it was happening always. This time there was a difference. A plan Jongin didn’t expect, a move which was so well calculated with every second that probably it should lead to praises, if it wasn’t towards Jongin, while he was most vulnerable.

Jongin had fallen in deep slumber when the Empress decided to take her final step. Sending couple of strong soldiers, unfortunately disabled to be in the army as of different reasons, some of which were rapes, violence, alcohol addictions and others. They were holding a hatred towards their emperor and the empress decided to play her cards. Promising them new positions, gold and women who could please them anytime they want, as long as they did something for her.

Since they were experts once, she ordered them to go to the main palace chambers, where Jongin was currently. She gave the right description and made sure that the men could be on the right place and time as she wanted them to be. The order was simple, to force Jongin to be intimate with them, if he fights, as she was sure he would, they had the right to cut his throat and enjoy the time with him.

They were taking small and quiet steps, they had passed couple of the guards, greeting them as if they were fellow guards changing position and slowly they were moving closer to the chambers. One time they had to stop to joke around with some of the guards before they had to continue with their mission. Two young female servants passed through them, giving them wary looks yet bowed down for greeting and trying not to meet their eyes.

“Do you think they’ll say something?” one of the men hissed at the closest to him. He knew girls as these ones, if they could grow in position, they were ready to spill even their parents’ deepest secrets.

“I doubt it, look at them, they try to go back in safe places. It wasn’t once or twice that the guards had played with servants as these.” the other dismissed it and moved forwards, motioning that they should be even more careful because they were getting closer to their target. 

All of them kept giving ghostly touches over their swords, ready to react in case the plan did not work. The Empress was clear that if they were caught, by someone else and not the trusted servants which would fake entrance, the empress would not save their lives. They knew her power, the Empress was strong enough to make them burn to ashes and no one would know the truth behind their actions.

Gulping deeply they moved closer to the said doors where Jongin was. The men looked around to make sure that they were alone and moved ahead. Gently opening the doors so that no sound would be left. Carefully one by one moved inside the room and clicked the doors closed again. They stayed unmoving, to hear the even way Jongin was breathing before they moved closer. 

One moved at the front to see Jongin’s face, other checked their surroundings. If they were going to do this, they had to be careful. One of the men, closest to Jongin, pulled the covers away gently, hand on his sword in case that he had to react. All of them sighed with relief when they noticed how Jongin just hissed at the cold moving closer to him and curled into himself. There were no weapons around him.

They surrounded the bed, slowly moving closer to the sleeping man. All of them prepared to be attacked and attack in return. However, Jongin stayed peaceful in his sleep, this resulting to all of them having smirks on their faces. The job seemed easier than the Empress made it be and they were getting their confidence up. Soon they were going to be rich and this pathetic prostitute would be dead and tasted by them.

Unfortunately no plan was going as it had to. None of them noticed the change of pace in Jongin’s breathing. He noticed that someone was really close to him when he noticed his bed moving and from the panting and the noises coming from armours, Jongin knew that it wasn’t Yifan. And sudden cold shivers ran through him, he was scared that something bad would happen.

Jongin decided to wait, he knew there were going on something and he was glad that he kept the small blade under his pillows. He could reach it and attack whoever tried to harm him. Waiting, was harder than he thought because his heart was beating too fast and he could feel how the facade of sleeping boy wasn’t going to work for long. He felt worried when he heard the whispers of the men in his room. They were taking their clothes off, as it was ordered, and they were getting ready to attack Jongin.

Once they got closer to him and one even dared to touch Jongin’s hip and move his filthy hand up towards his waist, was the time when Jongin acted as if he was slowly getting out of his sweet dreams and hummed moving his body so that his arm could reach under the pillow, grab the blade and attack.

What Jongin missed was that maybe some of the men were looking at him, but there were one or two away, carefully following his every move. Because the moment when one of them tried to turn around Jongin and spread his legs, was the moment when Jongin took hold of his blade. He was ready to cut any flesh in front of him, but the angry growl which one of them let out, and the cold hold on his wrist, Jongin knew he was seen.

He opened his eyes, meeting the eyes of the men in front of him and over him. Sudden anger grew into Jongin and he started to fight with his hands, with his legs, his mouth anything. He knew that no matter how strong he was, the men were more and bigger than him. They were heavy too, having in mind that they were middle aged men, with muscles and weight. Also Jongin was feeling surprisingly weak, probably from the lack of sleep.

“I will kill you.” Jongin hissed at them, almost freeing his hand and attacking with the blade.

“Not before we kill you first.” one of the oldest chuckled and leaned close to Jongin’s ear. “I would love to see how you’ll bleed to death.” he whispered and Jongin started to fight stronger.

A deep cry came out from Jongin’s throat when someone made deep cut in his inner thigh. Jongin felt the burning of the pain and he felt the many hands holding him down, making it harder for him to try to move. Another cut followed over his hip bone, another on his chest, one on his shoulder and many more. Jongin could notice how his sight was getting dizzy, the pain was making him scream and his body was so weak that he could no longer control it.

From the satisfying way the men over him looked down at him, Jongin knew he was losing the battle. He was too weak to fight and letting them do whatever they want wouldn’t mean that they would spare him his life. Jongin could see the disappointment in Yifan when he hear how Jongin let men to take him in order to save himself and even though it broke his heart, the pride in Jongin wouldn’t let him live with this. He was enough broken by the fact that he was prostitute, he wouldn’t let himself be even more miserable.

So he kept on fighting. He tried to hold his thighs closed, despite the pain and he could see and hear the anger in the men growing. One of them were going to snap soon and take his life, he was sure of it. Jongin had to wait. He could see that one of the men took his sword up and was ready to murder him. Jongin sighed with something akin to relief and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them to look at the doors. He hoped for someone to come and save him, but he knew it was too later.

In exactly that moment, the door opened and Luhan with other soldiers walked inside. 

“Slaughter them all!” Luhan roared and attacked.

Suddenly abusing Jongin was forgotten and everything was for the men’s survival. They tried to ran towards the doors, to free themselves but their efforts were fruitless. None of them could reach the doors before the swords of the soldiers didn’t cut their bodies. Jongin noticed that Luhan was the most fierce in his fights. All the men killed by him were with cut throats and horrified expressions.

“Jongin!” Luhan called his name in desperation and moved towards the bed. “So many wounds, someone call the healers! We need them!” he ordered at his soldiers and put back his attention on Jongin. “You will live.” 

“Will I?” Jongin chuckled and choked. Once again blood came out of his mouth. “They hadn’t touched me...Yifan shouldn’t believe otherwise, Luhan.” Jongin begged. He knew that many words would come out of this room, many lies and many truths.

“Yifan...knew about the attack.” Luhan spoke with dark voice. “He waited for the Empress to do her move and confront her. He’s with her right now.”

Jongin felt cold all over again. He knew what this meant, Yifan would threatened her and would ask her to stop her evil plans, yet he would never let a hair to fall from her head. Jongin looked at Luhan who tried to avoid looking his face. He knew that he was the target, Yifan knew yet he said nothing even when he was with him.

“Remember my words, Luhan. The moment I see a light in my moves, your Empress will be dead, murdered by my hands. I do not care if my hands would be blooded with royal blood. I will take Yifan’s life too, if I have to.” Jongin coughed again. “So take your decision now, would you murder me before I harm your brother or you would let me take the risk?”

Both stayed quiet then. Jongin could see the change of emotions on Luhan’s face. Anger, betrayal, hurt, understanding and then tiredness. Luhan might have never wanted to take a side but he knew he should give an answer even if he wasn’t so pleased with the idea.

“My choice, Jongin, is you can do whatever you want. As Yifan had given you the freedom, I cannot oppose, however, you try to harm him, the wounds you have now would be nothing. I will cut every piece of your body in small parts and give them to the dogs to eat.”

Luhan stood up when the healers walked inside the chambers and left without any other words said. Jongin knew he was given a way out. It wouldn’t be so hard, Jongin wished to believe, as long as Yifan never stepped in his way, Jongin wouldn’t even try to harm him, since his heart belonged to Yifan. Jongin had realized that even if his heart to belonged to someone, his life belonged to no one but Jongin. And he wasn’t ready to let his life to be taken by madness a woman had.

 

♔

 

Apparently the luck was on Jongin’s side. The borders were attacked, apparently some of the Han dynasty wanted to take some of the lands the late Emperor had claimed for his own and Jongin knew that sooner or later Luhan and Yifan would leave to attend the war. Most of the strongest soldiers were still in the palace. 

Yifan was rarely visiting Jongin, only small checks on him with casual kisses and small touches. Jongin couldn’t demand for more, not when he could see how tired Yifan looked and if he had to be utterly honest, Jongin felt betrayed by Yifan and his actions. He wasn’t ready to give himself fully to Yifan again and they had not discusted their relationship since that accident, even when close to month time had passed.

Throughout this month, Jongin had his fun with the Empress. He was leaving her small gifts no one could notice but her. He was improving in his hiding and he could proudly say that he was on the spy levels in the palace. He was leaving small burned aches of herbs which could be used as poison, he knew the empress could recognize them. Sometimes he was giving her a killed bird on her pillow just before bed. Other times he was making sure the taste of her food and drink would be changed. Jongin didn’t poison her, no, he wanted to take her life with his hands. But he knew harmless herbs which could give the same taste as poison and he knew the woman sooner or later he would panic.

Jongin put poisonous flower in her powder, the effect was that if it was used too much or often, the skin would start burning and the wounds would never heal, not after years. He had seen to happen to one of the prostitutes in the brothel and the sight wasn’t pleasing. Jongin had noticed that the Empress loved to use light pink powder to make her skin look more pleasing to the eyes. 

Jongin knew that these actions would bring the Empress to madness, if not to this, at least to anger. He wondered what else she’ll manage to do so that she could harm him. Jongin could notice couple of her spies following his moves, but Jongin knew his play. He had hidden all of his herbs long before the Empress could think of a way to catch him. He had learned every schedule of the palace. And since he had no need to train with Luhan, he was doing his training alone. Most of the time, while doing so, he was checking out how everything else was moving.

“You’re required to visit the Empress.” One of her guards walked into Jongin’s chambers just after he took a bath from his training. Looking slightly surprised, Jongin nodded at the man and turned around to put his clothes on. The man didn’t move away.

“Can I not put my clothes alone?” Jongin asked with deep tone, he wanted to make sure the man knew that he was not needed.

“Order from the Empress, in case you bring something which can harm her, I shall stop you using force and bring you to the cages.” the man replied with neutral voice and Jongin knew he had no choice. He hadn’t thought of bringing anything with him anyways.

“I will be ready in a while.” 

While putting all the pieces of his clothes, Jongin thought of the Empress. He was sure that the effect of the powder would be obvious by now. Having in mind that she was making it obvious for requesting him like this, when Yifan was far away, it meant that she was losing her mind. Or maybe she had realized that she should ask him how to prevent the further use of the poison. Knowing how women reacted, Jongin was sure that instead of using the powder less, she was using it more.

Walking out of his chambers, after the guard, Jongin noticed the curious looks coming his way again and the hushed whispers. Everyone must know by now that he was called by the Empress. Jongin knew he would get headache simply from thinking about how many lies would be born by this visit. Sighing, he kept on walking since he could see no other choice.

When he was inside, he noticed how dark the room seemed, there was no light from anything and instead of knowing that it was daylight, everything was covered. Jongin felt the uneasiness growing in him, but he shook his head. He had thought of this for so long, this last conversation he would have with the Empress would decide how her end would be. He could be really evil when he wished and he was ready to use everything against her.

“I had never thought you’re so straightforward as this, my dead Jongin.” The Empress greeted him from behind and Jongin turned around to bow to her. She was wearing dark red clothes. Her hair was down too. 

“I greet you with good day, Your Highness. I hope you enjoy this sunny day.” Faked Jongin and gave her short smile, while his eyes moved up. Her hair was to cover parts of her face, but Jongin could still see the bloody wounds on her cheekbones, nose and forehead. He didn’t miss how weak her face looked, as if she was no longer the strong woman she had couple of months ago.

“Of course, you do.” She replied in a while and coughed. Shaking her head she motioned for Jongin to sit down and take a tea with her. “I hope you don’t mind the herbs, they are the only once I allow myself to take.”

“I understand. Your health is most important, since His Majesty is on his way to protect our lands, I believe you shall be ready to support him in any way, Your Highness.” Jongin took his sit opposite of Empress and noticed the tight smile she gave him, how her eyes were burning with rage and anger, how her hands were trembling while holding her cup to her lips and sipping from the tea.

“His Majesty is strong man, I believe he shall protect _our_ lands with everything he has.” She replied back and she made sure that their lands did not belong to Jongin and probably she was right, but it didn’t stop Jongin.

“Our soldiers are one of the strongest too, having a leader like the Emperor, I understand how we can keep the lands.” Jongin took sip from her tea and chuckled, she had put poison on her cup. Once again not enough to kill him but he was sure he was going to be weak.

“Jongin...don’t you wish to be soldier?” she asked suddenly.

“I would love to, Your Highness.” he replied with short bow.

“Shall I speak with His Majesty for your position?” She smiled. “I believe he shall not protest.”

“I would be more than grateful.” She wanted him out and he felt the satisfaction growing in him. “I would like to be able to protect the people living. The normal and weak ones who are under the royal family wing.”

“Ah, yes, I believe you’re one of them? I remember you had some relationship with one of the servants?” The Empress gave Jongin a smirk, she had done wrong choice.

“Lien was her name, Your Highness, a beautiful and smart woman, I loved her deeply.” Jongin replied with calmness which surprised him. 

“She had unfortunate death, I liked this child, she was honest and so nice.” The Empress gave him a short smile. “I believe she had your child?”

“She did, Your Highness.”

“Ah, I know how it feels to lose a child.” She replied wishfully, seeming as if her heart was bleeding with sadness and not satisfaction that she took the woman Jongin loved and his still unborn child.

“Indeed, Your Highness, it’s so painful especially if they’re taken away from you by force. Child and lover, Your Highness, I wish you would never experience it.” He gave her a bow and bit his tongue. Oh how much he wished to take her life right at this moment.

“Do you know why did I harm her?” The Empress spoke suddenly. “She was too nice and lovely to be taken from this life, yet, she loved you. She was with you and you were with Yifan.” Jongin looked into her eyes, they were shining with tears. “I loved Yifan with my whole heart and he did too, until you came. He grew distant, I never could bear him a child, however, Lien could bear your child and I was sure that he would have put your child on the throne. He would worship you with all he had even if you’re dirtier than anything. And I couldn’t allow this.” She spat every word with so much hatred that even the last piece of regret Jongin had for doing this to her was gone.

“Did you believe that if I was gone or Lien, his affection would come back to you, Your Highness?” Jongin hated that he still had to pay respect to the snake which was sitting opposite of him, yet he did. Because this was the last thing he could give her.

“I still believe so. Once you are gone, he could be mine alone. However, I cannot kill you yet.” She smiled wickedly then. “Can you die for me, Jongin?”

This made Jongin laugh so much that he felt the tears growing. He could not believe her words. She chuckled too and shook her head. Jongin wasn’t sure if he did it because she understood her words or she was just desperate enough to seem as nice soul.

“Have you lost your mind, Your Highness?” he asked her in between his chuckles. “I would pray all the gods for you to be gone before tomorrow and yet you request this from me.” He laughed again. “Do you know the wounds on your face would need months and years to heal. The poison you’ve been taking for weeks now, they would not come slowly as you did to me. They will hit you tonight. If they don’t, I would pay you a visit at night and take your life with me.”

“You would never be able to.” She hissed at him. Jongin laughed.

“How do you think I have come to you, Your Highness? I put the poison in the powder at night while you have been sleeping, your guards had not even noticed me. I put the poison in your food and drinks every morning. No one had caught me.”

The Empress stared wide eyed at Jongin. She must have been shocked, believing that she was protected. And maybe she was, however, Jongin had learned his way. He knew how to pass when the guards were changing positions or when the servants were somewhere else and not in the kitchen. Jongin had found out the Empress is deep sleeper when he almost tripped at the entrance yet she did not react.

“I wish you a calm evening, Your Highness.” Jongin stood up from his place and bowed deeply at her. “I wish your dreams would be pleasant, if you excuse me I would let you alone now. Suddenly I feel weak myself.”

The poison she gave him was strong enough to make him weak, sweaty and feel his heart beating times faster, but it wasn’t enough to make him blank out or die. This was going to be the last mistake she did, Jongin concluded. While he was taking careful steps towards his chambers where he could request for tea and have some of his own herbs to give him strength, Jongin was getting ready to wait.

Surprisingly, he didn’t have to wait for too long. It was right after the midnight when the commotion started. Jongin was still weak lying on his bed when he heard how everyone cried, shouted, the panic grew and guards were called. Some healers too, servants were worried and crying. The Empress had spilled blood and had left this earth. Jongin smiled in satisfaction when he heard the drums. She was forever gone. 

He had taken his revenge. He took her life because she took Lien’s and his child. He took her life because she had almost taken his. Jongin’s only worry was what Yifan’s reaction would be, since the news would reach him in couple of days.

 

♔

 

“What have you done?”

Yifan roared as a greeting to Jongin. He was still in his armour, sitting on his throne, looking so drained that Jongin felt pity instead of anger. Yifan had just returned for a short period of time because the news about the Empress' death reached him and also because Luhan was severely wounded.

“I have not done anything I have not spoken to you about.” Jongin replied as calmly as he could. 

As much as he wished to make a scandal and confront Yifan, he didn't have the heart to do so. When Yifan left he was young ruler ready to win, now when he was back Jongin understood that every battle was taking something from Yifan and he was sure that the next time the strong young man which left would be gone. Jongin wasn't weak, he never considered himself weak but looking at Yifan and the fearsome calmness he was showing now when he was questioning Jongin for his actions, made Jongin to feel small.

“Of course you did.” Yifan replied with a sarcasm and Jongin knew he would speak more. “You do realize that once this war is over and when I come back hopefully alive, I'll have another woman under my wing with the same title and given the same affection and attention as the late Empress. Is that so?”

“I do understand this,Your Majesty.” Jongin replied calmly.

“Are you going to take her life too?” Yifan asked with such tired tone that Jongin suddenly felt guilty.

“I will not harm her as long as she does not hurt me or hurt anyone dear to me.” Jongin replied truthfully. He had no intention to harm anyone without reason and he hoped that Yifan would understand this.

“Then what do you wish? You know I cannot let this case like this and we both know I will never say the truth. The least you can do for me is to tell me what you had in mind while doing this sin.” Yifan closed his eyes and leaned back on his throne. Jongin wondered how many night Yifan slept well and how many he stayed wide awake.

“I want to stay by your side.” Jongin spoke confidently with loud voice, eyes sparkling with excitement. “I want to fight by your side, I want to be one of your soldiers.”

Yifan eyed Jongin for a while without any reaction. Jongin would lie if he said he didn’t feel nervous in that moment. He had never thought that having Yifan looking at him as predator ready to attack his prey. Many thoughts ran into Jongin’s head and none of them were optimistic and so he started to fear the worst.

“Very well.” Yifan gave his answer at last. “ZiTao, come out.” Tall man walked out from the shadows, wearing black clothes, he was a spy Jongin guessed. “This is ZiTao, the best spy I have and one of the best soldiers in my army. I'm sure you know his name by now. Fight with him.” Yifan ordered.

ZiTao nodded at Yifan and walked closer to Jongin, giving him a sword and waiting him to get prepared. Once it started Jongin could say that it would not be easy fight. Contrary on Luhan who never gave his all against Jongin, ZiTao was like a tiger, attacking with everything he could at any time. Jongin had to use his time the best and figure out ZiTao’s moves. It wasn’t easy when ZiTao’s fighting was unfamiliar.

The fight was tiring and long. Jongin had no intention of giving up and even though he knew that he was tiring ZiTao, he couldn’t say that he was not exhausted himself. The cuts on his body were enough to show the times his body slipped and let ZiTao to harm him. For his relief, ZiTao was harmed too. He was bleeding too, the blood was seen once it fell on the ground but it was still there.

Jongin had used the moment when ZiTao was close to the bigger puddle of blood and use it on his advantage. The blood was slippery and Jongin was ready to make ZiTao slip and help him win the fight. It was bad move, in name of bravery and dignity, but Jongin was not someone who wasn’t ready to break the laws and he knew that Yifan was aware of it too, because he said nothing even when he noticed Jongin’s plan all along.

The moment ZiTao lost his balance and the hold of his sword lessened, Jongin took the matter of his hands. With his free hand, he grabbed ZiTao’s shoulder, while with his sword and pushed ZiTao’s sword far away in the room. With his left leg Jongin pushed ZiTao on the ground and moment later he was over him, his sword on ZiTao’s throat, ready to kill. Both of them were panting and Jongin noticed the calm way ZiTao looked at him, no severe emotion in his eyes.

“That’s enough.” Yifan commanded and Jongin moved away from the spy, giving him a bow. “ZiTao, on your way out, write down Jongin’s name into the list of the royal’s soldiers. He would be one of us, fighting besides me, just as he wished.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” ZiTao replied quietly and moved away, walking back into the shadows.

“I hope you are happy.” Yifan said with a tired smile but it reached his eyes, so Jongin knew everything was calm now.

“I am.” Slowly Jongin took careful steps towards Yifan until he didn’t reach the throne and wasn’t pulled harshly to sit on Yifan’s lap. “Many can see this, Yifan!” Jongin protested but soon Yifan’s lips were on his and he could say nothing more.

“You own me your life.” Yifan mumbled against Jongin’s lips and pulled him closer. Apparently Yifan was so tired that he could care less about the possible rumors coming back into the palace’s walls.

“Ah, I see.” Jongin leaned to kiss Yifan’s temple while he embraced his lover with warmness. “You own me your heart, Yifan.”

Jongin chuckled when Yifan started kissing his neck. He finally had a place, a title, a promise he knew it would be broken until one of them dies. Jongin finally had a home, even if this hope was a man, an Emperor, he was happy. He was finally happy even with the bitterness in his heart. Jongin was no longer a lonely prostitute. He was a soldier. And he promised to himself that he would protect Yifan with anything he could.

 

♔

 

#  **_Epilogue:_ **

 

Before Yifan to be Emperor, he was Crown Prince and the general of the army. He was a good leader, always receiving the praises from the late Emperor. His father’s eyes were shining with pride and happiness to see his son so strong and powerful. Probably the Emperor knew that his son, Yifan, would be a good emperor, a good man too.

The trust and the responsibilities were heavy on Yifan’s shoulders even back then. He was the youngest general ever, however he proved himself to be one. Fortunately, he knew how to speak with his subjects and he was asking for advices: one, because of his age; two, because he wanted to see what they thought. With neither option he was left disappointed and Yifan was sure to not be the only one getting the praises.

When Yifan was twenty-two he was told to visit another country with the army. By that time Luhan was already by his side permanently. It was known that the Emperor wouldn’t be alive for long and Yifan had to keep his father’s allies. Then the decision was taken to have Yifan as presentor for the Chinese Emperor to the nations.

The trip was long, the horses were tired and Yifan was slowly starting to doubt himself. All he had been doing for years were battles and battles and again battles. He had not been in the court, he was not close to the ministers. When his father was taking decision about certain matters it was always without Yifan. His doubts were mainly about his possible failure as the new Emperor. Probably he had to stay as general.

“You sound as if you had lost a piece of your mind through all the wars, Yifan.” Luhan took the matter of his hands then, he was there to bring courage to Yifan and he was doing exceptional work.

“Luhan…” Yifan said his name as tired sigh and closed his eyes, leaning on the rock near a river they had stopped to let the horses and the soldiers to rest.

“No. You need to get hold of your thoughts, you will rule this nation, this empire and no one would wish to have weak emperor. I know you for long time, Yifan. You’re not a weak man, you’re a leader, you’re the master and I have not seen anyone to lead a battle as you do. However, you shall earn your people’s respect and you know that. Doubting yourself alone, would lead to the people doubting you too. And we all know that if this happens, this empire is dead.”

Luhan had spoken in one breath, his eyes burning holes into Yifan’s and the latter sighed. He was tired. He knew what he had to do, but his body and mind needed the rest. He had walked back through the palace’s doors just two days ago, only to be told he had to take a long journey to one of the country's allies. He just needed a day with good rest. 

“I know. I apologize, I will be more careful.” Yifan replied in the end, he knew that Luhan wanted answer, agreement.

“Good. You know you can cry on me, but no one else should see your weakness. Now call your men, we should keep going.”

Yifan nodded then and did as he was told. Through the journey he had enough time to think and decide how he would be ruling the empire. He had to be careful with his choices, he knew that the traps awaiting him would be many. He already knew to whom he would marry. The princess was young and beautiful girl. He had met her oncehe was a child and he felt his heart beating faster. He knew he would love her deeply. Shaking his thoughts away from the beautiful face, Yifan looked ahead. He would not disappoint anyone.

So once they reached the nation’s barriers, he introduced himself and his soldiers with pride and strong voice. He felt the satisfied hums and he knew he did right. They walked inside as if they were the rulers of these lands. The streets were busy but slowly there was a path from where to pass, until they reached the palace. They had to spend a week there, so Yifan was sure that he would spend time around.

They settled in the palace soon. The King, a man couple of years younger than Yifan’s father, was affectionate enough to give Yifan an embrace and praise him. He explained that the Emperor had sent him letters. Yifan felt shy and bowed down in gratefulness, he had promised the King that their relationship would never break, probably straighten but nothing bad. And the King smiled at him, telling him when the dinner would be and how Yifan and his soldiers should celebrate.

With excuses, Yifan finally had a bath then, he wanted to hear the music, to see the dancers. He knew that the King would do something out of their league, something which would forever stay in the memory. So Yifan anticipated it more than the fresh wine and the fruits, or the cooked meat and the sweets.

He was not disappointed. The nation was celebrating as if it was a royal wedding. Yifan was praised, ministers came to him, some he knew, others he had to get knowing. They spoke, the political topics were the main, Yifan’s marriage the next and soon the show was starting. There were dancing, small stages with actors, some beautiful music and many other things.

What took Yifan’s attention was a dancer, young boy, probably sixteen. He was wearing light pink robe, his face was free of mask opposite of the other dancers on the stange. The melody was slow, but the boy’s movements were passionate. There was a story, the King said. The boy had to be girl, concubine, a beautiful one, however he was soon to understand that he was in fact a male. 

Instead of growing as a princess, the boy had to be a seducer, a warrior, a fighter. His small frame, the king explained, would be his weapon and since no other dancer agreed to do it, since the sin was obvious and the palace shall not agree on such pleasures. This boy was taken from brothel and made to dance. Since the boy was wearing a sin in himself, nothing would hurt for more. Yifan agreed, the boy was indeed a sin on his own.

Once the first performance with the beautiful boy was over, Yifan showed his interest and asked for the brothel. Saying the excuse that his soldiers might wish to let out some of the stress they had. The king was more than happy to share.

When the next dance started, the boy was wearing dark blue robes and held a sword. He was moving with a grace of a butterfly, yet his eyes were ready to cut. Yifan admired the boy, he was so sure in his steps, in his moves. His whole body was as if one with his soul and the music while moving, to the point that he seemed unreal.

The next performance was with girls and Yifan had lost the interest in watching, instead he started to speak with the King. However, his mind was full of the boy. So the next day, he walked out. He put a cut of a robe over his nose and mouth, hiding half of his face, faking an illness, because he feared to be recognized, he walked towards the brothel.

Fortunately, it wasn’t so far away from the palace, unfortunately Luhan had followed him.

“What are you doing?” Luhan hissed, getting hold of Yifan’s elbow, stopping him from walking. “If anyone know who you are, you might risk your own life!”

“Then be my guard, I want to see someone.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Luhan replied, letting go of Yifan and following him, while cursing under his breath. Yifan let out small chuckles. 

Both of them were careful in their steps and Yifan explained everything to his friend. Luhan demanded explanation why the future emperor wanted to risk his life. While Yifan was speaking, he wondered if his friend would turn against him, accuse him because he found another man interesting enough to find out more about him. Instead, Luhan smiled at him and supported him.

“He might be the sparkle you need.” Luhan joked and motioned the building ahead. “I believe this is it. Let me speak and you look around for your boy.”

Sometimes Yifan wondered what he had done to deserve a friend as this one. Inside, Yifan felt out of place. So many people, men and women, boys and girls, were barely covered, moving closer to him, asking him how to please him. Luhan walked ahead, not bothered by anything. Yifan knew that his friend was walking slowly, while explaining to the master of the house what he was looking for. He was buying Yifan time to look around.

By pure chance, the boy passed right in front of Yifan, not sparing him a glare, the boy kept going. Yifan noticed the small corridor hidden in the shadows and decided that he should follow the boy. Probably this would be the first and the last time for them to interact.

The luck must have been on his side then, because the place they reached was a garden and from the look of it, the boy was taking care of it. Yifan stayed in the shadows, worried that he would scare the boy away. He was thinking of how to approach him. Yifan didn’t want any kind of service from the boy, instead he wanted to speak with him.

“How long you plan to stay there, master?” the boy spoke couple of moments later, he had watered some of the plants and now his eyes were on Yifan.

“I did not wish to scare you.” Yifan said and came out. He was glad that his improvisation of a mask was still on his face, because suddenly he felt hot from the embrasement. 

“Are you my customer, master?” the boy kept the calm voice, but Yifan could notice how he was ready to run.

“No.” Yifan shook his head too. “My master is looking for a moment alone and I’m here.” Yifan could never lie and he knew that his clothes were far from the poor robes servants wore. The boy hummed and turned back to his flowers. 

“Can I help you then?” he asked, back still facing Yifan. “I can do whatever you want, master, however you have to pay.” Yifan almost choked from the boldness.

“I wish to speak, shall I pay?” he asked reluctantly. He didn’t worry about the amount, he was worried that the boy would decline.

“Talking is free, however, you shall not touch my body.”

“You don’t have to worry!” Yifan spoke with relief and moved closer. “What are these?” he pointed to a beautiful red flower.

He didn’t get an answer. Instead the boy moved away from him and sat on the ground under the tree, apple tree he noticed. Yifan wondered what it was about and the boy just met his eyes with curiosity.

“You shall speak, I never said I will speak too.” the boy replied and Yifan felt disappointment but he started on speaking.

He couldn’t say a lot, instead he spoke about things he had been missing. The home cooked food, the stories his mother loved to tell him every night, the times when his father could spend time with him as one.Yifan spoke about small things, he shared about his favorite sweets, about his favorite animal, about his first love. And the boy was listening, sometimes laughing, sometimes snoring, sometimes he just looked at Yifan as if he was saying some of the most interesting stories.

Luhan was the one who found them. He walked closer but not too close. Without asking anything he had motioned for Yifan to come to him. Once he stood up from the ground and cleaned his clothes, Yifan felt someone pulling his robe down.

“Will you come again?” the boy asked with small voice.

“Tomorrow.” Yifan promised and he kept it.

The next day he was speaking about the places he was. What he had seen, the food he had tasted, the dances he had seen. He kept on telling stories and adventures for the next four days too. The boy never shared anything, just listening and giving small replies. But Yifan didn’t mind, he was next to the boy, he felt as if he was his friend, as if he was someone who could understand the cage in which Yifan was living.

“Jongin…”The boy said once Yifan told him he would be leaving. “Jongin is my name.” 

“Jongin…” Yifan tasted the name on his tongue and he liked the sound of it, a beautiful name.

“Do you want me to dance for you?” Yifan shook his head, instead he leaned down and put his head on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Let me stay like this for a while.”

Once Yifan left with Luhan for one last time, Yifan knew that he would never see the boy again. He cried, as pathetic as it can be and Luhan was patting his shoulder for support.

“I’ll make sure you’ll see him again.” Luhan promised and Yifan thanked him. He was sure that this would stay as a beautiful dream.

Six years later, Luhan came back with a concubine with the name Jongin.

Six years later, Yifan saw the boy and he fell in love with the passion, the hatred, the lack of desire for life in Jongin’s eyes. 

Six years later, Yifan was finally happy.

Eight years later, Jongin was riding next to him as second in command. After unfortunate accident with Luhan, Yifan had no choice but to order his friend to stay back in the palace and move Jongin in positions.

“What are you thinking about?” Jongin asked him, making sure their horses move in the same pace. A little bit ahead of their soldiers. Yifan must have a worried look on his face.

“How beautiful you have always been.” Yifan replied with small ghosting smile over his face. 

He was reminded of how beautiful Jongin had been these years back in time, how reckless Yifan had been. He thought of how Luhan kept his promise and he was amazed how his friend had the memory to do so. But most from all he thought of Jongin. How much he grew in front of Yifan's eyes, in front of the nation's eyes, the soldiers', Jongin proved his place and Yifan was proud of his lover and friend. Because Jongin was no longer only a lover, he was so much more. Jongin was his closest friend with Luhan. And Yifan loved Jongin deeply.


End file.
